“Becoming Me, Finally” By MissT

I don’t know how to be me.

I made myself quieter. Slimmer. More agreeable. Kinder.
A servant to his needs. A people-pleaser to the extreme.
I let the same people in, over and over, hoping for a different outcome.
All I got was more.
More abuse. More self-loathing. More depression.

I was already carrying the weight of my childhood trauma.
And my kids needed me—when I wasn’t even there for myself.
I feel that guilt now.
That narcissistic abuse passed through me to the next generation.
And now that I’ve stopped it…
Now that I’ve become someone else…
Is it too late to make amends with them?
Is it too late to find me?

I’m 54. No spring chicken.

Where do I go from here?

I’ve always had a man on my arm.
But for the first time in my adult life,
I’m actually glad to be free—
Free from the chains that bound me to someone I never was.

I’m heartbroken I wasted so many years
Trying to fix the broken relationships in my life—
My mother,
The monster who fills my dreams with dread.
The exes who abused me,
Beat me down—physically and emotionally.
And me… who let them.