Numb

She drank to numb the past

To give her introvert side more confidence.

To give herself moral superiority

To hide the pain she carried

The self loathing she felt in happy couples. 

Why did love evade her?  Because she was narcissist but couldn’t see it. I was the parentified daughter who let her darkness consume me.  Who let her words strike my heart over and over.  Til I was too scared to feel . To scared to breathe.  Too scared to upset the apple cart.  Because that would mean chaos in the form of beatings. A pleaser to the core. Do as you’re told.  Children are seen and not heard they said.  And so the torture continued.  Now I’m in my 50s I’m still trying to save ppl from their own fate.  Trying to show them that if i can get up again and again so can they.  But the truth of most of them like it where they are.  Trapped in a cycle of despair.  Too afraid or too ignorant to know they have to do the work to fix themselves.  I was the Rescuer. The giver and the fixer.  I’m not doing that anymore.  When you’ve fixed yourself come and find me.  Till then please leave me alone.