“After I Chose Myself”

“After I Chose Myself”

by MissT

I didn’t expect it to feel like this.
Not after everything.
Not after all the signs.
Not after telling myself, “you deserve more”
until I believed it.

But here I am —
gutted, aching,
heart heavy in my chest like a truth I wasn’t ready to carry.

Not because I want him back.
But because I wanted it to work.

Because I let my guard down
and hoped.
And even though I walked away first —
it still feels like loss.

I miss the possibility more than the person.
The idea of what it could’ve been
if only he’d stepped forward
instead of sideways.

And I hate that it still hurts.
Because I thought choosing myself
would feel more like freedom
and less like grief.

But I know this pain.
It’s not heartbreak —
it’s healing, unfolding.

This isn’t the kind of sadness that stays.
It’s the kind that teaches me
I don’t need to lose myself
to love again.

So tonight, I sit with the ache.
But tomorrow?
I rise —
lighter, sharper,
and still full of love.

Just not for the ones who can’t hold it.