5 Things Dating Apps Never Prepare You For

By MissT

5 Things Dating Apps Never Prepare You For

Let’s be honest—modern dating is a digital circus, and no amount of profile-polishing or photo-filtering prepares you for the wild ride once you enter the app arena.

Below are five things no one warns you about… but should.

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1. The “Banter” Mirage
You swipe right on someone who says they love witty banter. You’re expecting verbal fireworks.
You get:
Them: “Hey.”
You: “Hi.”
Them: disappears into the abyss.
Turns out, their idea of banter is breathing.

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2. The ‘No Drama’ Paradox
If a bio says “no drama,” brace yourself.
Because spoiler alert:

• They haven’t spoken to their ex in 3 years (except for last week).
• Their best friend is also their former partner.
• Their cat hates everyone.
  Including you.

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3. Ghosting 2.0: The Houdini Flex
You match, you chat, it’s going well…
Then—poof—they vanish like a magician with commitment issues.
But wait! Three weeks later, they resurface with:
“Hey, how’s your week?”
Like nothing happened.
Like you weren’t checking your phone like an extra in a sad music video.

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4. The Time-Traveling Photos
If the only photo is in black and white, or features a Nokia 3310 in the background, proceed with caution.
They may look nothing like that now—
Unless you’ve time-traveled back to 2009.
And even then, the lighting was questionable.

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5. “Looking for Something Real”… Are You Though?
So many people say they want “something real,”
but their version of real is:

• Never asking questions
• Avoiding eye contact
• Treating vulnerability like it’s contagious

We’re not saying people lie.
We’re just saying… some people copy and paste.

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Final Thoughts:
Dating apps are like shopping at a very chaotic car boot sale.
You might find a gem.
You’ll definitely find socks with holes and at least one person who asks if you’re “up.”

Bring snacks.
Bring patience.
And never forget: unmatching is self-care.

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