life plan

So. I never had a life plan.
Never knew which way was up or down.
Left from right. Right from wrong.
Just kept going. Surviving.

And now — five decades in — is this it?
Is this what peace feels like?
Single.
Safe.
Still.

I was terrified to face it. Thought I needed someone to hold me up, catch me when I fell.
But turns out — it was me doing the holding all along.

Holding it all together.
Holding in my tears.
Holding on for dear life while someone else leaned on me until I broke.

I couldn’t see it at the time — that the very person I thought I needed was the one making me sick.
The pressure to be everything
Every morning. Every moment.
Never a pause. Never a plan just for me.

Now?
I lie in. I write. I breathe.
I take my kids out for food, for drives, for time.
I exist without guilt.
Without tiptoeing around someone else’s moods.

I nearly started dating again — to fill the silence.
But two days of small talk and stress?
No thanks. I ran faster than ever.

I don’t know where I’m going from here.
And that’s okay.

What I do know is this:
Nobody — nobody — is ever taking my peace again.
So if someone shows up?
Let him be calmer than a spring sea
Cooler than the Arctic ice
And lighter than my own company.

Because I’ve been through hell.
And I’ve unpacked my bags.

Happy Friday.
And tell me — what made you walk away?

Love,
MissT xxx