“Step Aside, Sweetheart (While I Shave Me Bits)” By MissT, Goddess of Grit and Gritty Groins

Step aside, sweetheart, while I shave me bits,
This jungle’s gone wild—it’s giving me fits.
Tried waxing once—nearly lost a thigh,
Now it’s me, a mirror, and a battle cry.

I’ve got bifocals on and a bathroom light,
Stretching like yoga just to get it right.
One leg on the sink, the other in fear,
It’s a contortionist act I’ve perfected this year.

I used to trim for dates or lingerie thrills,
Now I do it for airflow and practical skills.
Forget the landing strip or Hollywood glitz—
This is survival—and I honour me bits.

He says, “Natural’s nice,” with a sheepish grin,
But he ain’t the one with foliage on skin.
If I want it bald, I’ll take it all off—
Just hand me the razor and don’t bloody scoff.

Post-HRT, I’m a walking heatwave,
But my lady garden? Still bold, still brave.
She’s been through heartbreak, drought, and fire,
And still has the nerve to spark desire.

So cheers to the women who shave when they choose,
Who pluck or don’t pluck—who win and don’t lose.
We’re queens of the chaos, the moods and the fits—
Now step aside, sweetheart, while I shave me bits.